A soft penis is available for pleasure too

Have you ever seen a snail make a quiet retreat into its shell when it feels unsafe? Such a wise snail, to slide back into safety until the danger has passed. When the snail feels safe, you might observe it emerge into the world and go about its business again.

During sex, a penis that remains flaccid or semi-erect also does so for many reasons – emotional, physical, and relational. Research suggests that around one in four men under the age of thirty-five experience erectile difficulties, with prevalence rising significantly with age (1). Any self-consciousness and shame associated with a soft penis are the result of a sexual script based on performance and genital orgasm, rather than a connection open to exploring pleasure. When we give these softer parts of ourselves — or our partners — our tender attention, we can find this quiet vulnerability is also full of aliveness.

Because soft penises like to play too.

Getting playful

When connecting is less about genital orgasm and more open to broader pleasure, the way we offer and receive touch opens up. For the receiver, a soft penis can enjoy all kinds of sensation from being cradled, stroked, licked, or simply held. For the giver, a soft penis has its own flavour, its own texture, its own weight, and way of responding. Intentionally exploring slower than you think you might is useful. When our nervous system is relaxed, we have more capacity to stay connected to our body and feel what our body is sensing and communicating to us.

Arousal may or may not show up. Desire may or may not show up.

Nuances of pleasure, on the other hand, are always available.

Connecting with a soft penis

This is a simple practice for bodies with penises, that can also easily be adapted and shared with partners.. You can explore this practice clothed, or naked.

Find a private place where you won’t be disturbed — a reclined position is ideal, but if you’re upright ensure that your spine feels well supported.

Connect with your breath and get curious about where your breath is landing in your body. No need to change anything, you’re just noticing what your breath is doing now.

Bring your attention to your exhale and have a gentle go at slowing it down, just a little.

Take a few more rounds of breath, with that nice, slow exhale.

Moving slowly, slide a hand — or both hands — down to cup your penis. That’s the only touch you’re practising; cupping your penis.

With every deeper exhale, allowing your penis to settle into your cupped hands a little more.

You might notice the weight and warmth of your hands.

You might notice other sensations in your penis.

You might notice sensations in other parts of your body.

There’s nothing you need to feel, and nothing you don’t.

You’re simply exploring cupping your genitals as a way of being present to whatever is — or isn’t — happening in your body.

When you’re ready, slowly slide your cupped hands away from your penis and rest them somewhere comfortable on your body or on the surface supporting you.

Take a moment just to be.

Softness isn’t the absence of something. It’s an invitation. Say yes.

References:

1. Amand, C., Tong, S., Tardy, A.-L., McGraw, T., Stewart, A., & Cruz-Rivera, M. (2025). A population-based survey of self-reported and IIEF-defined erectile dysfunction among adult men in the United States in 2021. BMC Public Health. https://doi.org/10.1186/s12889-025-24808-4