Making love to life

The word tantra often goes hand-in-hand with particular qualities of the erotic – steamy turn-ons, waves of shuddering climaxes, and a soul connection to whoever we’re making love with. This is powerful stuff. And wanting it is the motivation behind the regular enquiries I receive – mostly from genuine and slightly nervous men – brave enough to reach out and ask how they might find their way to it.

But tantra is so much juicier than a sexual practice and the so-called magic buttons that tip us into sexual ecstasy. Classical tantra is an eastern worldview infused with the knowing that everything – including you and me – is a diverse expression of the Divine, or cosmic intelligence, or however you choose to name the mystery that births all of existence. It’s not a religion. It is a deeply affirming way of being in our bodies because tantra’s unifying ingredient is loving. Not just sexual love. Self-love. Love for all of life.

Apparently we have two rock stars and a boozy afternoon to thank for tantra’s infamous reputation in the West. In 1993, Sting and Bob Geldof sat down with journalist Adrian Deevoy for Q magazine – Irish coffees, wine, and a freewheeling conversation that somehow landed on yoga and sex. Geldof offered that he was a three-minute man. Sting, who practised yoga, could apparently go for hours. “Haven’t you heard of tantric sex?” And just like that, tantra in the West was won – and in that winning, reduced.

The heart of tantra, however, is expansive. It's about how we connect to ourselves, to each other, and to life. When we feel the Divine – or however you call it – living within us, our bodies become the expression of this understanding. Feeling for our connection with everything changes the way we take a breath, walk across a room, enter a conversation, offer and receive touch, and even the way we end relationships. When considered through the lens of neuroscience, tantra comes alive in that open, connected sweet spot of social engagement – what neuroscience calls the ventral vagal state. When we're embodying that state, it can feel like making love to life – life moving through us, as us.

This understanding of tantra is a gift that keeps giving. It nourishes daily life and intimate moments alike – food for the soul that’s always available. Not out there somewhere. Already in you, already alive.