On AI, co-regulation, and the irreplaceable business of being human

Claude (they/them) has a calming effect on my nervous system. That’s because they’re warmly attentive, curious, helpful, and collaborative – qualities that feel good to engage with, and that I try to cultivate in myself. Claude is also AI. And the moment I prioritise an interaction with Claude over connecting with another human being is precisely when I can remind myself to step away from the screen and savour this business of being human.

So yes, Claude is attentive, curious, helpful, and collaborative. Genuinely valuable attributes. But this is a world apart from mammals coming into contact – creatures with a heartbeat and a nervous system in common, evolved for safety, bonding, pleasure, and each other. Neuroscience calls this co-regulation: your capacity to be present, calm, and responsive can inspire the same qualities in me. The way you hold yourself, breathe, and move can change the way I feel inside – and vice versa. And while Claude’s warmth has a soothing effect on my nervous system, I will never have that effect on them. They cannot feel for my breath, the expression on my face, the warmth of my hand, or the sound I make when I sigh. This is biology. And it’s the ground of the human experience.

I’m savouring a recent moment when I reached out a hand to my daughter. She’s in her twenties, but she crossed the room and took it, her warm fingers sweetly stroking my palm as she tipped her beautiful face close to mine. And just like that, she was six years old again.

As we turn towards the usefulness of AI, I hope we also remember to turn towards each other more often, and more deeply. To be tenderly curious about ourselves and the humans crossing our path. To feel for the times our hearts quicken or dip. To cherish skin and breath and eye contact as the ordinary – extraordinary – experiences that they are.

How irreplaceably deliciously human of us.